NCAA Football Analysis

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College Football Week One Primer: What the fuck is a week

They know you don’t really really care about week one, but to change the definition of a week? Absurd.

Welcome to an early “week one” CFB primer. The NCAA is now exercising its unquestioned authority by changing the definition of a week. Week one will last from August 25th to September 5th, which is eleven days. That is closer to two weeks than one. Bullshit.

In spite of the NCAA’s new definition of a week, I will power rank the right amount of days in a week.

  1. Seven- the tried and true.
  2. Eight- the Beatles wrote a terrible song about this. They’d try to make the extra day a work day too. The Beatles suck.
  3. Six- some jokers want to make days 28 hours long (ignoring the rotation of the Earth, I guess) so we can have a six day week. I don’t like it.
  4. Five- otherwise known as the “work week.” It’s another facade. It is the fake week.
  5. Four- this is ridiculous now.
  6. Eleven- eat shit, NCAA

The NCAA jamming everything on Saturday is the only right way to do things as far as I’m concerned. From a blogger’s perspective, this is great because I have time to recap the week before and preview the week ahead while keeping to a strict schedule. Thursday and Tuesday football make this tough, yet manageable. Now the NCAA has invented the eleven day week. Now I’m grumpy I have to do this early. Rant ended.

(We’re changing up the formula from the past few years. Hope you enjoy!)

Week one FACTS

  • The California Bears and Hawaii Rainbow Warriors will play a game in front of an audience that doesn’t want to watch them in the slightest. Even more surprisingly, this game is neither hosted at Cal OR Hawaii.
  • Even more puzzling is that Hawaii will play twice in the same football week. When they go to Michigan (two dilapidated shitholes in one week is just insane), they will have traveled 9,438 miles in eight days.  Then they have to go back to Hawaii for their third game. All in all, they will have traveled halfway around the world in the first two “weeks” of football. No-one gives less of a shit about Hawaii football than the NCAA.
  • Missouri and West Virginia are also kicking off the season of style. Both teams will be playing under the facade of greatness past.
  • I don’t know anymore facts.

Best Games

Oklahoma @ Houston

The Cougars are everyone’s bold prediction of the year, so don’t pat yourself on the back too hard. Here are some more things people with “insight” will say about this game:

  • This is going to be a huge QB duel between Baker Mayfield and Greg Ward Jr., two of the biggest surprises from last year.
  • These are two teams who want to prove they belong in the playoff discussion
  • These fellas sure love to tussle

It’s going to be good, you don’t need pretext.

North Carolina @ Georgia

If you don’t care for the South, UNC is your bold prediction of the year. I’m sorry to say, but they are probably going to destroyed by a Georgia team that is just miles ahead. UNC’s offence is killer, but not killer enough to beat the Georgia defence. Nick Chubb is probably going to run all over UNC’s defence, the Tarheels’ only flaw. Not a good flaw to have.

Ole Miss @ Florida State

FSU has some redeemin’ to do. Ole Miss does too, after shitting away their previous season in horrific fashion. I don’t think either of these teams is a serious playoff contender later in the season, so enjoy them now.

Worst Games

North Texas @ SMU

This game is technically in prime time, so I guess you have better things to watch in the same timeslot. For example,

  • Alabama A&M vs. MTSU
  • San Jose State vs. Tulsa
  • Towson vs. USF
  • Rhode Island vs. Kansas
  • SE Missouri State vs. Memphis
  • Alabama State vs. UTSA

You know what, do whatever is best for you.

Rhode Island vs. Kansas

Rhode Island won one more game than Kansas last year. I couldn’t make up anything better than that.

USC vs Alabama (Cowboys Classic)

Remember that terrible ESPN magazine cover that argued that Lane Kiffin and Matt Barkley were the best hopes at destroying Alabama’s dynasty? That was supposed to be the historical turning points for both schools. Now it’s a punchline, and this is the the setup joke. Lots of sadness here.

Maine vs. Connecticut

Both mascots are screaming at each other, how could you not be entertained?

Colorado vs. Colorado State

It’s a bit early for a Rocky Mountain Showdown, but it’s better to get this out of the way sooner rather than later.

Hidden Gems

I got nothing for ya. Sorry this week is full of ass. Maybe Texas and Wisconsin will pretend to be competitive for two quarters against Notre Dame and LSU. Otherwise, phhbbbbt.

Maybe Georgia Tech and Boston College will be entertaining until it turns into a defensive showdown with neither team gaining a yard for 39 minutes.

The Dream Smashin’ Fantasy Pool

Here are the five teams this week who will have their dreams smashed this week.

  1. Notre Dame. Texas will be a better foe than last year, and ND still doesn’t have a quarterback. It’s going to be within a possession, and that will make ND realize the tough path ahead of them.
  2. FSU, for similar reasons. They’re going to get exposed, regardless of the outcome of the Ole Miss game. If they lose, they can’t build playoff cred in the ACC (unless they beat Clemson, which in that case, lol). If they win, it’s going to be a barnburner which will show some of the gaps on the Seminoles’ defence.
  3. Texas A&M have been on a gradual decline ever since Johnny Manziel (this is weird to say) left. UCLA will reinforce their place in the college football world.
  4. UNC, cause they’re gonna lose.
  5. USC. They want to, yet again, bury the past with a new head coach. It won’t happen, especially against a tough Bama team. Many will think that USC can stay along, and try to prove that they can keep up with the big boys, but they’re gonna lose bad and another season will be down the toilet.

Breakfast of Champions, week one

We here at BCS Buddy encourage a good dose of healthy eating alongside school pride, so this section will provide a good breakfast for a random school (decided by random number generator). This week, SMU fans will munch down on what I call: “The Pony Express,” a nod to SMU’s many traditions and proud past.

What you’ll need

  • A nice, 12 oz piece of steak. BBQ’d Texas style.
  • A Ciabatta bun, cut in half
  • Lone Star Beer, 12 pack
  • Blender
  • Bed

Process

  • Throw all that shit into a blender
  • Blend until purely liquid
  • Pour into various glasses, hide away forever under bed so no one can find this abomination
  • Whenever someone complains about the smell, deny, deny, deny (call Craig James if you need advice)

The best SMU tradition is repeatedly clowning on it for things you weren’t alive for or aren’t relevant anymore, especially when they are still really bad.

Game Predictions

Hawaii vs. Cal- Cal

Presbyterian @ CMU- CMU

Charlotte @ Louisville- Louisville

Tulane @ Wake Forest- Wake Forest

Tennessee-Martin @ Cincinnati- Cincinnati

Maine @ Connecticut- Connecticut

William & Mary @ NC State- NC State

Indiana @ FIU- Indiana

Appalachian State @ Tennessee- Tennessee

South Carolina @ Vanderbilt- South Carolina

Southern Utah @ Utah- Utah

Weber State @ Utah State- USU

Rice @ WKU- WKU

Oregon State @ Minnesota- Minnesota

South Dakota @ UNM- UNM

Montana State @ Idaho- Idaho

Jackson State @ UNLV- UNLV

Mississippi Valley State @ Eastern Michigan- EMU

Ball State @ Georgia State- GSU

Albany @ Buffalo- Buffalo

Colgate @ Syracuse- Syracuse

Army @ Temple- Temple

Furman @ Michigan State- MSU

Northwestern State @ Baylor- Baylor (fuck Baylor though)

Colorado State @ Colorado- Colorado

Kansas State @ Stanford- Stanford

Toledo @ Arkansas State- Toledo

Cal Poly @ Nevada- Nevada

Georgia Tech @ Boston College- Georgia Tech

Oklahoma @ Houston- Oklahoma (GOTW)

Fordham @ Navy- Navy

Eastern Kentucky @ Purdue- Purdue

Bowling Green @ Ohio State- OSU

Western Michigan @ Northwestern- NW

Hawaii @ Michigan- Michigan

Boise State @ ULL- Boise

South Alabama @ Mississippi State- MSU

Missouri @ WVU- WVU

Howard @ Maryland- Maryland

Liberty @ Virginia Tech- VTech

Villanova @ Pitt- Pitt

Abilene Christian @ Air Force- Air Force

Rutgers @ Washington- Washington

UCLA @ Texas A&M- UCLA

LSU vs. Wisconsin- LSU

Richmond @ Virginia- Virginia

Kent State @ Penn State- PSU (fuck PSU though)

Miami (OH) @ Iowa- UNDEFEATED IOWA

Texas State @ Ohio- Ohio

Murray State @ Illinois- Illinois

Southeastern Louisiana @ Oklahoma State- OkST

LA Tech @ Arkansas- Arkansas

UC Davis @ Oregon- Oregon

Georgia vs. UNC- Georgia

Southern Illinois @ FAU- FAU

Hampton @ ODU- ODU

North Carolina Central @ Duke- Duke

Western Carolina @ East Carolina- ECU

Florida A&M @ Miami- Miami

Savannah State @ Georgia Southern- GSU

Austin Peay @ Troy- Troy

VMI @ Akron- Akron

Alabama A&M @ MTSU- MTSU

SMU @ North Texas- SMU

San Jose State @ Tulsa- Tulsa

Towson @ USF- USF

South Carolina State @ UCF- UCF

Rhode Island @ Kansas- Kansas (This was close)

Southeast Missouri State @ Memphis- Memphis

Alabama State @ UTSA- UTSA

Southern @ ULM- ULM

Southern Miss @ Kentucky- Southern Miss (BATTER DOWN THE HATCHES, IT’S AN UPSET ALERT)

UMass @ Florida- Florida

USC vs. Alabama- Bama

Northern Iowa @ Iowa State- Iowa State

Fresno State @ Nebraska- Nebraska

Eastern Washington @ Wazzu- Wazzu

New Mexico State @ UTEP- UTEP

South Dakota State @ TCU- TCU

Stephen F. Austin @ Texas Tech- TTU

New Hampshire @ San Diego State- SDS

Clemson @ Auburn- Clemson

Arizona @ BYU- BYU

Northern Illinois @ Wyoming- NIU

Northern Arizona @ Arizona State- ASU

ND @ Texas- ND

Ole Miss @ FSU- FSU

Have fun folks (these are subject to change at any time)!

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This entry was posted on August 26, 2016 by in Uncategorized.
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