NCAA Football Analysis


College Football Week One Recaps: damn the kickers

Welcome back to Recaps, the aftershow for the week that was. It’s mostly just a collection of my thoughts on each individual game, so I hope you enjoy.Hawaii 31 vs. 51 CAL

The Golden Bears are trying to prove that they can hang with the big guns in the Pac-12 by showcasing an offence that put up 630 yards and had 12 different players make catches. The only problem is the defence, which allowed an inept Hawaii team to score 31 points. Their high for last season was 28 points. Because it took place in Hawaii a few days earlier than the rest of the “week” started, perhaps there was some extra rust on both sides, but they both looked good enough.

Presbyterian 3 @ 49 CENTRAL MICHIGAN

The first half looked like this: touchdown, punt, punt, punt, punt, punt, turnover on downs, punt, touchdown, fumble, interception, interception, interception, field goal. Eventually, CMU decided to stop playing with its food and scored four touchdowns on their seven second half drives.

Charlotte 14 @ 70 LOUISVILLE

Lamar Jackson had as many touchdowns as he did incompletions.

Tulane 3 @ 7 WAKE FOREST

Besides one 46 yard play (on a busted-ass coverage), the longest pass play of this game was 22 yards. Wake Forest’s longest pass play was 13 yards. Dom Maggio nearly doubled up the Demon Deacons’ offensive gains, and Dom Maggio is their punter. Tulane should’ve easily won this game, but they chose to go for it on fourth down four times, only converting once. Once at the Wake Forest 29 (4th and 5), the Wake Forest 13 (4th and 3), and once at the Wake 47 (4th and 10, fumble). Their kicker hit a 41 yard field goal to begin the game, and probably would’ve easily whacked the other two in and won the game for the Green Wave. A little trust will take you a long way, Tulane.

Tennessee-Martin 7 @ 28 CINCINNATI

The first half could’ve absolutely sealed the game for Tennessee-Martin, had they caught a few breaks. They started with a touchdown, then Cincinnati missed a field goal and fumbled on their next drive. UTM returned the favour, fumbling back, but then Hayden Moore was intercepted. That put the Skyhawks in position for a 37 yard field goal, which was missed. Cincinnati let them try again, fumbling on the next drive inside their own ten. UTM couldn’t punch it in, and tried a 31 yard field goal, which was missed. Cincinnati then scored a touchdown, and missed the PAT. At halftime, Cincinnati came back firing and put the game away quickly. UTM had the best chance for the early FCS UPSET of the week, and they blew it. Don’t trust kickers.

Maine 21 @ 24 CONNECTICUT

Kudos to Maine, winners of three FCS game last year, for keeping this one interesting. Two missed field goals would’ve won the annual Battle Of The Teams Whose Mascots are Screaming at Eachother Bowl for the Black Bears, but alas.

William & Mary 14 @ 48 NC STATE

Wolfpack TE Jaylen Samuels had three touchdowns on ten touches and 90 yards. That’s pretty good.

INDIANA 34 @ 13 Florida International

Don’t let the score fool you. This game was much closer than it looks. Power Five school Indiana was very close to blowing this supposedly easy matchup. FIU had a few horseshoes on their side (a pick six against them was called back, and the Panthers scored later on the drive), but they were firmly in control for most of the game. After stopped Indiana on downs and taking the lead back heading into the Fourth, the Panthers allowed two back-to-back touchdown drives, turned it over on downs, threw a pick six, and threw a game ending interception. That sounds like a classic Indiana game, except Indiana is usually the agent of that destruction.

Vanderbilt 10 @ 13 SOUTH CAROLINA

Together, these teams only put up 550 yards of offence. Some may call this a defensive battle, but that would be completely wrong. Vandy was 8/23 on passing. The punters put up 578 yards by themselves. Burn this game.

Southern Utah 0 @ 24 UTAH

i guess so

Weber State 6 @ 45 UTAH STATE

Devante Mays and his 208 yards and three touchdowns was all Utah State needed. Can he do it against USC? I don’t know, but it’d be hilarious!



Entrance blunders aside, WKU was firmly in control for this one. QB Mike White threw for 517 yards on 31 attempts, including plays that were 87, 54, 45, and 35 yards. WKU is fun football and I highly recommend you watch them play.

Oregon State 23 @ 30 MINNESOTA

The Beavers outgained the Golden Gophers for most of the game. Entering the fourth however, when they desperately needed yards, Oregon State could only gain 59, and it too over six minutes to do that. On the other hand, Minnesota gained 100 yards (113 if you don’t count the kneeldowns) and scored two touchdowns to take this one.

South Dakota 21 @ 48 NEW MEXICO

I don’t feel like talking at all about this game so I’m going to list a bunch of funny names I can find in the boxscore:

  • Trystn Ducker
  • Khorey Kilgore
  • Diquon Woodhouse (this is multiple dick jokes)
  • Daryl Chestnut
  • Q’ Drennan

I am sad to say less than half of those names belong to South Dakota players.

Montana State 17 @ 20 IDAHO

It’s baffling that Montana State did not win this game. They weren’t 2/11 on third down (like Idaho), they completed more than eight passes (what Idaho did), converted two out of three fourth downs (0/2 for Idaho), and held onto the ball for 36 minutes. What was the difference? Idaho held it for four minutes right at the end of the game. Backed up at their own four down three points, Montana State made the smart call and booted it, hoping that they would get it back. Somehow, Idaho managed to run off 4:14 of game time in seven plays. Damn.

Jackson State 13 @ 63 UNLV

You should read Spencer Hall’s piece here on EDSBS. It’s really good.

Kansas State 13 @ 26 STANFORD

K-State isn’t rounding back into their New Years Day Bowl form, they just faced a mediocre Stanford team that happens to have Christian McCaffrey on it. Only one of three other rushers on Stanford had positive rushing yardage (one yard on one attempt). The kid can do it all, and if he continue to get better, then maybe Stanford will justify their top ten ranking.

Furman 13 @ 28 MICHIGAN STATE

Don’t be fooled by the score. Michigan State was farting around for most of the game, but the on-field product is still great if rusty at this point in the season. The passing is still efficient and boring, the running is still dominant, and the penalties are still dumb. Bless Mark Dantonio for refusing to play anything other than the crap he plays every year, but slightly better.

Northwestern State 7 @ 55 BAYLOR

If you’re new to recaps, you know that if I don’t find anything in a game worth commenting on, I just say whatever I want. This is one of those times, and the words I choose are “Fuck Baylor.” Fuck Baylor.

Mississippi Valley State 14 @ 61 EASTERN MICHIGAN

EMU hasn’t beat a team down this seriously since 2008. If only we could all face teams that are 1-10 in the SWAC.

BALL STATE 31 @ 21 Georgia State

Ball State held onto the ball and pretty much ran the clock out against the Panthers. Given time to operate (of course, with a dash of better defence), the Panthers could, once again, punch their way into a bowl spot.

ALBANY 22 @ 16 Buffalo

Hey there we go, the guaranteed FCS UPSET of week one! Buffalo shot themselves in the foot, dick, ass, and balls to give this one to Albany. Things didn’t start off right when the third play was a Buffalo interception that was returned to their own seven. Two drives later, they missed a field goals. Next drive, another pick set Albany up in the UB red zone. On their second-to-last drive, they fumbled at the goal line. Their last drive was an interception.

Colgate 7 @ 33 SYRACUSE

Everytime I see Colgate play, I always think to myself “dang, they’re losing to a tube of toothpaste! These jokers are losing to a tube of toothpaste!” There’s a reason blog traffic is so low.

ARMY 28 @ 13 Temple

Last year’s darling Owls are probably not due for a repeat if they keep throwing picks every eight passes, as they did in this game. Also might want to toughen up the run defence, which allowed 4.9 YPC.

Colorado State 7 @ 44 COLORADO

I want to critique that formation. Instead of the QB under centre, wouldn’t it make more sense to have him in pistol or shotgun? Aren’t the backs redundant at this point? They can’t push the QB in, so the best they can do is shove their heads up some asses and hope. I don’t know if this worked, but I guess it did. Congratulations, Colorado.

TOLEDO 31 @ 10 Arkansas State

Toledo’s my pick to bring the MACTION this year. If they cut out the fumbling, they could probably reach 10 wins this year.

Cal Poly 27 @ 30 NEVADA (OT)

Nevada didn’t look too bad. They headed into half with a 24-10 lead and essentially took a big nap in the second half. With their lackadaisical play, Cal Poly stormed back by eating up clock and scoring points, throwing Nevada into a frenzy. They held on and salvaged this game in overtime, probably saving their season.

GEORGIA TECH 17 vs. 14 Boston College

The Yellow Jackets could be your BOLD PICK for the ACC title. Of course, this is Boston College’s offence we are talking about, but Tech forced three turnovers and held them to under 50% on third down. The only problem being that they also need to figure out what’s up on offence. The Bees only gained 238 yards of offence, punted five times, missed a field goal, and fumbled. It also helps that BC missed two field goals. Georgia Tech could be up there at season’s end, but it’s going to take some convincing performances in the next few weeks to reassert that claim.

Oklahoma 23 @ 33 HOUSTON


Rutgers 13 @ 48 WASHINGTON

I have doubts about Washington being a top ten team this upcoming week. The best way to describe their play in the Rutgers game is “efficient,” because it certainly wasn’t “good” or “top ten worthy.” They converted only three third downs on 12 chances, and only once on fourth down. Their rushing game was very weak, only going for 91 yards on 30 carries. Take away sacks and kneel-downs, that number drops to 103 yards on 27 carries, which isn’t substantially better. This is a team that will face their reckoning suddenly and quickly.

UCLA 24 @ 31 TEXAS A&M

Is A&M back? I would wager no. Besides a few frantic fourth quarter moments, UCLA (especially Josh Rosen) was incredibly mediocre. A&M didn’t seem to be turning the screws on them, the Bruins just weren’t that good. Trevor Knight looks serviceable at QB, but not as a true #1 quarterback. A&M probably doesn’t survive in October, so enjoy while you can.

Miami (OH) 21 @ 45 IOWA


GEORGIA 33 @ 24 North Carolina

If Nick Chubb “woke up” in the fourth quarter with his 55 yard touchdown run, I’m scared to think what state he was in for the other 167 yards. The man is nuts.

SE Louisiana 7 @ 61 OKLAHOMA STATE

Is Southeastern Louisiana’s logo a mixup of both a Lion and the Iowa State Cyclone? I’m not sure what’s going on there.

UC Davis 28 @ 53 OREGON

I feel bad for Mark Helfrich because he wasn’t an ass like Chip Kelly, but he can’t seem to replicate any of the success. It seems no one is excited for Helfirch, the inventor of Kelly’s system. I haven’t even seen any Oregon hype Nike swag stuff yet. Is Oregon truly over????

UMass 7 @ 24 FLORIDA

You don’t know how hyped I was to see a 10-7 score at halftime. I was nearly drunk when I saw the same score at the end of three. I don’t even care UMass got torched in the fourth, this was a ball game where an SEC team nearly lost to the Minutemen. Remember this day.

Savannah State 0 @ 54 GEORGIA SOUTHERN

I guess so.

Austin Peay 17 @ 57 TROY

Apparently Troy got a new logo! Isn’t that neat.

VMI 24 @ 47 AKRON

JoJo Natson caught three touchdowns on four passes, and Akron threw for six of them. I remember when the Zips were so bad people considered kicking them out of the FBS. Well, I guess their kicker missed two extra points, so there is still a case.


15 different receivers caught a pass for MTSU! I didn’t know you could have that many receivers on a team (I did). Usually that only happens during senior day, so cut it out MTSU.

SMU 34 @ 21 North Texas

The first Toilet Bowl of the year wasn’t all that bad, actually! SMU and North Texas played a very even game that probably would’ve been closer had the Mean Green (stupidest name in the country, by the way) didn’t toss three picks. They could also use a rushing game. This game would’ve been closer had North Texas actually been good, is what I’m trying to say I guess.

San Jose State 10 @ 45 TULSA

Behind an offensive line that returned 4/5 guys, D’Angelo Brewer is looking at a breakout year. He’ll face his real first test against Ohio State next week, but his efforts alone could keep the game within reasonable distance.

Tulsa also has a quarterback named “Chad President” which is also the name of the laziest Nigerian Prince scammer.

Towson 20 @ 56 SOUTH FLORIDA

ESPN glitched out and said USF had two different punters: Jon Hernandez and Jonathan Hernandez. The Jon page just says “PUNTER” on it. I agree.

South Carolina State 0 @ 38 UCF

This is UCF’s first win since December of 2014. They head to the Big House to play Michigan next week, and Godspeed gentlemen.

Rhode Island 6 @ 55 KANSAS

You already know that KU fans – all 75 of them – stormed the field after this game. That is a sad fact. Let’s make it even sadder:

  • Rhode Island was 1-10 in the FCS last year
  • Their average points scored was 13
  • Their quarterback only completed six of 23 passes, but one of them was a touchdown.
  • Kansas had less rushing yards and one less turnover than the Rams

This is the saddest victory ever.

Southeast Missouri State 17 @ 35 MEMPHIS

I guess this is life without Paxton huh.

Alabama State 13 @ 26 UTSA

A very closer game against a team that went 6-5 in the SWAC. Be warned, UTSA.

Southern 21 @ 38 ULM

ULM was a well oiled machine, especially quarterback Garrett Smith, who contributed 358 yards by himself and three touchdowns. He also committed two interceptions and went 0/3 on third down (fumbling once, but recovered by ULM). He is like this machine:

I guess he’s helping somehow.

SOUTHERN MISS 44 @ 35 Kentucky

Yes, it is against Kentucky, but the Golden Eagles beat an SEC team that just fired their offensive coordinator. They were also up 24 points. Southern Miss should get their own trophy for this.

NORTHERN IOWA 25 @ 20 Iowa State

This is the perfect setup for El Assico

Fresno State 10 @ 43 NEBRASKA

I cried a little bit. Rest in Peace, Sam Foltz. Life is fragile everyone.

EASTERN WASHINGTON 45 @ 42 Washington State

Washington State beat Oregon last year after scoring 45 points against the Ducks. Oregon’s quarterback that year was a transfer from Eastern Washington. Follow the money folks.

New Mexico State 22 @ 38 UTEP

Oh my God who cares.

Stephen F Austin 17 @ 69 TEXAS TECH

TTU threw 71 passes between two quarterbacks. That’s a lot of passes!

New Hampshire 0 @ 31 SAN DIEGO STATE

We’re getting to the good stuff, I swear!

BYU 18 @ 16 Arizona

This seems like the good stuff, but it is not. ESPN doesn’t even have a drive chart for this game, something they had for literally any other game yes even that Kansas one. BYU has a guy named Squally Canada. That’s cool.

Northern Illinois 34 @ 40 WYOMING (3OT)

This game had one turnover, 950 yards, and over 200 yards in penalties. This was football at its purest. Of course no-one watched it.

Northern Arizona 13 @ 44 ARIZONA STATE

Brock Osweiler went to Arizona State.


Leonard Fournette has been unfairly criticized for this loss due to his terrible first few series, but he still gashed Wisconsin’s defence to the tune of 138 yards. That was four more rushing yards than Wisconsin had total (he also did that on 19 less carries). LSU’s problem was not its star offensive player, it was everyone else. The Tigers only held the ball for 23 total minutes, converted two of ten third downs, and only scored one more point against Wisconsin than Illinois and Northwestern did last year. Illinois and Northwestern.

CLEMSON 19 @ 13 Auburn

It wasn’t a clean job, but Clemson walked away with the W. Despite promise of a high flying offence, the Clemson defence showed up Saturday night. They covered their offence’s ass, holding Auburn to 262 yards, 87 rushing yards, 3/17 on third down, and forcing three turnovers. They kept Auburn out of the endzone until the final five minutes of the game, and came up with decisive stops on Auburn’s final drive. Clemson may not have looked like the team that took Bama to the brink last year, but they’re still pretty damn good.


This was reckoning. Alabama took a USC team full of promise and crushed them. I want to talk about Lane Kiffin, because there’s nothing sweeter to talk about. This was his USC team. These are the players he recruited. Max Browne, his star QB from the 2013 made his debut against Bama. This was supposed to be Kiffin’s legacy at USC, and he crushed it. He destroyed them to the point where USC probably won’t reenter the polls for another few weeks. USC has to start with a new mentality now, it’s not just “one step back” or “bump in the road.” This was a team so thoroughly destroyed by their creator that the Trojans have nothing left but to pick up the pieces and wonder if he planned this all along.

Notre Dame 47 @ 50 TEXAS

This was reconciliation. After a very, very tough start to his career at Texas, Charlie Strong has finally delivered the Big Victory that has put Texas back on the scene. I don’t wish to hurt the Texas fans, but Notre Dame was overrated. They still should’ve been a few feet ahead of Texas. Strong has put the Longhorns back on the path to success with this win. Not National Championship and New Years Bowls, but success.

Hampton 21 @ 54 OLD DOMINION


Ole Miss 34 @ 45 FLORIDA STATE

The Rebels took an early lead and then fell apart quickly. History likes to repeat itself. Chad Kelly threw three picks and got exposed by a pornstar online. This was as much on the Rebs failing then it was on the Seminoles succeeding, because the Seminoles were absolute butt too. I don’t trust Florida State from here on out, but I still wouldn’t beat against them. They have shades of that 2014 team that kept it all together until it all fell apart.


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This entry was posted on September 9, 2016 by in Uncategorized.


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